The Verdict
It has been a few days since July 27, when the guilty verdict was delivered. I apologize for not updating this blog, but frankly, I needed a respite from the discussion. Now, after 4 days of Dubai heat, drinking fabulous Arabian coffee, racing across searing hot sand to plunge into an ocean of 37 degrees, feeling the marvel of the most diverse and modern city in the world, feeling incredibly safe in this Muslim culture, I now possess a settled feeling (some may call it ’peace’) and a readiness to look ahead.
The verdict was a surprise to us; but is was a validation of the truth, and what a refreshing ideal to emerge from our criminal justice system: that the truth was revealed and upheld. We constantly hear of cases being dismissed because of glitches in evidence, and the precedence of case law which appears to restrict judges. Candidly, I confess to being jaded by these ‘stories’. The case of Regina vs. Berner did have glitches and unexpected challenges. I thought that any one of the glitches would have been grounds for a potential not guilty verdict. But there is also the factor of reasonableness and sense; thankfully Judge Gulbranson possessed both and in the long run, has served British Columbians well.
Coupled with the new administrative sanctions that are set for September 20, I am optimistic about change in BC regarding impaired driving. I learned something myself during this trial. We are not discussing laws for people who are falling down drunk… these folks should never be on the road. What we are speaking of when we talk of ‘impaired’ is that the driver’s ability to respond is somehow affected. That means that their judgement, their response time, their ability to handle the unexpected is not ‘spot on’. I love driving… but I am mindful that it is a priviledge. I got my licence at 16 (yeah, Alberta) and bought my own car at 16 as well because I valued the freedom that it provided. I also love driving in a 6 speed vehicle and really feeling what the car can do. Coupled with that, I am also mindful that vehicles are responsible for over 417 deaths in BC a year. Bottom line, cars/ vehicles can be dangerous, if the driver is not at full faculty. Many things can take your mind off driving: cell phones, eating, fatigue and of course, drugs and alcohol. Because we value the freedom to drive in BC, we should seriously appreciate the responsibility required to drive. We want everyone to be ‘game on’ when they are driving. A real ‘accident’ is a very rare thing: trees falling, animals darting out. etc. Most collisions are caused by driver error. So… the bottom line is that I am very pleased with the tough administrative sanctions brought in by the Campbell government (care of Minister Mike de Jong and the Office of the Superintendent of Motor Vehicles). Perhaps the lay of the land is shifting, and we will view impaired driving with distain, just as we now view second hand smoke with distain.
Enough of my soap box: Back to the reality of the case. The sentencing for Ms. Berner takes place on November 8th. Before that time, we must complete victim impact statements. I must somehow articulate how losing Alexa, and witnessing the carnage on that bloody scene caused by Ms. Berner’s reckless behaviour has affected me… how it has affected Christian, Michael and everyone in our realm. So… where does one start? I feel Alexa in my bones, I feel an ache in my stomach, I see Alexa in Christian, I dream of her laying lifeless under the tree, I remember wiping the bubbly blood from her nose for over 10 hours every time she exhaled whilst in the ICU (trust me… I would gladly still be at the Children’s Hospital wiping the blood from her nose, because at least I would have her), I see her laughing in my mind, I hear her voice calling me ‘Mommy Love’, I see her hanging off Horsey Love’s neck, laughing with glee, I see myself holding her ankle as the medivac strapped her in on their stretcher and whisked her away, I actually feel an ache in my womb, I see an emptyness in her brilliantly white, clean room, a vacancy, I see the sadness in a 10 year old boy, who has lost his innocence, his sister, and the fun, carefree parents that he once had. I see a mixture of everything, and the colours change. At times there is a strand of silver which comes from the goodness of well- intended friends, family and strangers who are so touched by this story, and who have acted to make some good for us. I also see a strand of gold, as I see the appetite for change and possibility in this province. But mostly I see purple… woven by my precious child and embraced, understood, and worn by all who care for us; the silent showing of support and respect. The purple softens the black of loss and trauma.
So now, as I write this, I had to intervene whilst Christian was watching Lady Gaga’s prison cell dancing routine… another piece of innocence lost, but at least to a catchy song. CJ continues to be our anchor; he is a great boy, and loves all the diversity that life has to offer. He has helped his mom navigate the streets of Dubai, claiming that this is his favorite city because of the other drivers, he has helped us navigate the road to healing, demanding that we keep our focus on him, and he is helping us navigate the future… one that may be lost of innocence, but one that we will still embark upon with hope.
Thank you for reading my blog… until November 8th then.
Alexa’s Mom
13 Comments
Mark Liu on December 1, 2010 at 5:51 pm says:
Dear Laurel and Michael:
I am writing to you in response to the news story about Alexa’s Bus, the mobile units capable of testing for blood alcohol level.
I’d be interested to hear more about this innovative idea.
As sad as Alexa’s passing is, not to mention how frustrating it can be dealing with the court system, I think Alexa’s bus is a great way to honor Alexa’s memory.
Alexa’s Bus is something which would help catch drunk drivers and help to keep drunk drivers off the road.
Alexa’s Bus is an innovative step in enforcement of drunk driving laws. People would know the police are out there to catch drunk drivers, and thus choose not to drive drunk.
I wish you all the best in your efforts to effect change in the wake of Alexa’s death. Much like former MP Chuck Cadman and his wife helped effect positive change in young offender laws after their young son Jessie was killed.
Take Care,
Mark
David Hopkins on November 30, 2010 at 11:12 pm says:
Dear Laurel and Michael,
Times must be agonizing for you, but you really need to understand the trauma Carol is suffering as well as you. After all, she was once a little four-and-a-half-year-old girl just like Alexa.
I read her letter of apology and it sounded very sincere.
I still think it would be responsible for her to take the blame she got without appealing or bail, but I feel all the same she wants to do what she can to rebuild her reputation.
She said herself that she won’t be able to give back to the community if she’s in jail, so that’s probably at least partly why she wants to get out, even if staying in jail would, itself, send a positive message to the community.
David
Mark Liu on November 27, 2010 at 4:20 pm says:
Dear Laurel and Michael:
I wanted to express my sympathy for you at the latest turn of events in your case, with Carol Berner being released on bail pending her appeal.
Although not an unexpected development, I’m sure it must be very frustrating and infuriating. It’s unfortunate she’s appealing her sentence of 2 and-a-half years, a light sentence given the severity of the crime she committed.
One is left wondering whether Carol Berner is truly remorseful and willing to take responsibility for her actions.
I pray God will give you strength to deal with the challenges you face, peace in your heart knowing Alexa is in a good place with God, and may you be successful in your efforts to create change for the better.
It’d be frustrating battling the system, but I sincerely hope for your and Alexa’s sake you will effect positive change in the area of drunk driving laws.
People need to stand up and take responsibility, so we wouldn’t have cases like this.
In time, God will hold Carol Berner responsible for her actions, even if it appears for now the system has let you down.
Sincerely,
Mark Liu
Bruce Ellemo on November 26, 2010 at 7:05 pm says:
i am absolutely confused and concerned. I was watching a show today on car theft. This guy who orchastrated the theft of cars got caught and received 6-19 years in prison in the US. How is it that you can take a life at your own hand and not really get any time. Ms Berners now out on bail for 8 months while she awaits whether or not she will spend 10 months in prison. Where is the leadership of our system. What is going on?
how do we as a society allow this? its seems to me like its just a game now, lawyers tussling and case law that makes no sense. when i was a boy and you killed someone you got life and were lucky to get parole in 25 years. what happened since then? why are all these sentences so light and soft. i just dont understand anymore.
Michelle W on November 14, 2010 at 11:37 pm says:
Anytime I hear of the tragic death of a child my heart breaks, and it was no different when I heard of your precious Alexa. Today as I read about the sentencing and the victim impact statements that were read I was compelled to learn more about your precious daughter and your family. There are no words adequate to express my sympathy. As a Mother myself I cry for all of you and indeed I grieve for a little girl I never had the pleasure of meeting, but through your words know a little more and will never forget.
Manj on November 12, 2010 at 2:51 pm says:
Dear Laurel
I don’t have enough words to express how deeply upset I feel after finding this blog and reading it.
Firstly, what a picture perfect family. You four are beautiful! You should have been on a front of a family magazine or a gap commerical. Secondly, I sat here and starred at Alexa’s photo and wow she is such a stunning little girl. It just breaks my heart too see this precious child taken away so suddenly from her loved ones.
I am a mother of three little children and Laurel I can not imagine one bit of what you must have gone through and still what you suffer now. I wish I knew you and I wished I could comfort you the last couple of years.
From a mother to a mother Laurel …. God gives us a precious child to carry for 9 months. When that child is born we raise that child with love and care. We are suppose to protect our children b/c this is our duty as a parent. Teach them right from wrong….not once do we imagine the worse for our children but the truth is tragedy does hit happy familys. We ask ourselves why. Why us, what did we do in life that we are punished this way. Why is an innocent child taken away… a helpless innocent child. (MY CHILD)! The truth is we will never get an answer for that question. People say god has written our life story already in his books, if its fair or not fair it’s what it is.
Anyway, I pray that god gives you the strength to stay strong. Your family needs you, especially your son.
So please accept my condolences on the death of your precious princess Alexa. I believe she is in heaven and very safe and happy.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
Manj T
Mark Liu on November 10, 2010 at 7:43 pm says:
Dear Laurel and Michael:
Hi, my name’s Mark Liu. I wanted to pass on my best wishes to you at this difficult time.
I can’t begin to imagine the hurt and suffering you’d be going through.
Having to read your Victim Impact Statements in court must have been difficult, like opening old wounds.
I sincerely hope you would have a sense of justice being done, even if Carol Berner receives a sentence which would be less than what you’d like.
On the bright side, I think Carol Berner would pay a price no matter what her sentence, as she’d have to live with herself after what she’s done.
Furthermore, I think the media coverage and attention your case has gotten has helped to create positive change in drunk driving laws.
Thus honouring the memory of your dear daughter Alexa.
My sincerest thoughts and prayers are with you for the sentencing hearing on Friday.
May you find some comfort in your faith, knowing Alexa is in a good place with God.
The Lord is taking good care of Alexa and He is also giving you strength in your ordeal and to move forward.
Godspeed,
Mark Liu
David Hopkins on October 2, 2010 at 6:27 pm says:
Dear Laurel and Michael,
I just wanted to tell you, I think, all in all, it’s just as well Alexa died from the Berner crash. If by a great miracle she hadn’t died, she probably would have been terribly disabled and damaged for life. She’d have never been the same, and you probably wouldn’t have even known your own daughter anymore.
This way, she is now living joyfully, freely and eternally with God. She will always be with you, and she is undoubtedly feeding and riding horses in heaven.
All the same, I feel terrible the crash even happened, and I hope Carol gets at least some jail time.
Keep up your noble effort to make BC roads safer.
Mark Liu on September 24, 2010 at 6:56 pm says:
Dear Laurel and Michael:
Hi, my name’s Mark Liu. How are you doing?
I heard on the news that, unfortunately, you don’t expect for Carol Berner to get a long sentence.
I hope you’d be able to take some comfort in knowing she has been found guilty and would be punished.
Also, I think it’s good with the new law for the .05 blood alcohol limit. That’s good progress in the fight against drunk driving.
Hopefully you would be successful in getting tougher minimum sentences for drinking and driving.
Thank you for fighting the good fight.
Take Care,
Mark Liu
Robyn Grebliunas on August 26, 2010 at 7:36 am says:
Laurel, I am trying to reach you on facebook or in anyway possible. I have followed this story and always known that we need to meet. Unfortunately another tragedy this week has reminded me that we have work to do together, or for me to learn from you. In the past four years three drunk drivers have hurt my family. In my lifetime five drunk drivers have hurt my family. I now sit in a hospital room while my husband fights for life and limb because a drunk driver got behind the wheel again and hit him on August 21st causing serious injuries. I was trying to message you on facebook but could not get through.
Rick & Louise on August 15, 2010 at 8:41 am says:
Dear Michael, Laurel & Christian ~
We’ve been away and just now know the results. We believe with you that justice has been served and rightly so. In reading your message today we’ve been moved to tears…of grief and sadness but also of peace & hope. Thank you for sharing your selves and touching all our lives just as the memory of your precious daughter always will…
Love Rick, Louise & Family
David Hopkins on August 5, 2010 at 6:56 pm says:
I share your relief that Berner has been convicted.
I dare say that if I had been there, I would have dashed forward and pushed Alexa out of the way, even if I would have been hit.
I really mean that.
Roxanne Black on August 4, 2010 at 9:54 am says:
Dear Laurel, Michael and Christian,
God bless you all, thinking of you always.